Monday 20 May 2024
This second installment of THE REVISION DIARIES again focuses on the writing process of FADING OUTRO, the so-called Afterward that King Arthur suggested I write. Excellent progress: daily writing. I wrestled with what exactly the theme of FADING OUTRO should be; but as I continued to free write, the realization dawned that I needed to emphasize the importance of evil, cynicism, and resistance to those forces of negation are. I think this writing piece does sum up those writing and existential dilemmas I have been thinking about and how they reveal the meaning of Katyn in my life.
Sunday 12 May 2024
Early morning writing. Before Mother’s Day activities. Continued work on the cynical professor chapter. As I said in my Saturday 11 May entry, I am unsure about the “definition” section for “cynical” and “skeptical.” I skipped working on this part—a strategy I teach my writing students. Refined the dialogue scene where the student asked me the question: “Are you cynical?” and my reply. Skipping over parts to revise is helpful because it doesn’t cause me to stall up—I keep writing. Once I have the rest of this section complete, I’ll clearly see how to revise the so-called definition section.
Monday 13 May 2024
After a late start, (evening writing) I continued work on the cynical professor. Since the question was asked by my student when we studied Politkovskaya, I relived that moment, remembering the long speech I delivered. Hahahaha, thank goodness the student asked the question during the middle of class, not toward the end. I had time to speak long thoughts. Hahahaha. Insight broke through: how the It’s Evil dialogue fits with the cynical professor section: resistance. Beginning to see how the third and final part of this Afterward will now be reshaped. Another blog draft. Some rephrasing but it think I can fit the resistance theme there, too. Another thought: just a moment ago, I entitled the third section “Who Am I? I Am…” but the while writing the cynical professor exchange, I thought of “Why I Give a Shit about Katyn.” For now, I like it.
Tuesday 14 May 2024
Finished the cynical professor section. I like how it turned out. The writing shows how teaching the war class shaped me as a teacher and thinker/writer. Toward the end of the writing session, I felt fatigued. In fact, for the past two weeks my long COVID symptoms have been worsening. The fatigue, brain fog deteriorated into a kind of sadness, not exactly depression but the beginnings. Feeling that way upset me. I’m tired of being tired. Sleepy but annoyed by the heavy fatigue, I hypothesized that I needed to change things… my routine… to preserve and protect my energy levels. Tomorrow rain is in the forecast. So, no big walk with Laska. After dropping off Nick to school, I will exercise. Haven’t done that for a while. I’m determined to reschedule my activities. I need to save myself from this long COVID. Exercise first, but not the full hour I always did before getting sick. Need to build up to it. After exercise, I can write. Then when the weather improves walk with Laska. Also, phone call with King Athur tomorrow. Need to schedule grading finals, too.
Wednesday 15 May 2024
Exercised. God! It felt great to do it again. Defintiely will insist on exercising first thing in the morning. Spoke with King Arthur. Told him about the long COVID problem. He agreed about revising my schedule. Told him about the progress with FADING OUTRO. Gave him a synopsis. So far, so good! Described what I conceive as the FOUR PHASES of Katyn manuscript revision: 1) finish drafting FADING OUTRO by this weekend, the latest next Tuesday. Plan to mail him the draft next week, too. 2) working backwards, I will revise/clean-up minor corrections. 3) Add new material to the Miednoje visit (cadet academic study abroad trip). “Spend more time on the Polish side of the cemetery.” And other small additions for the cadet academic trip to reinforce the importance the trip had on me. “Your Mount Everest moment.” 4) Consider revising substantially BOOK TWO, the manuscript’s so-called Introduction. It’s the longest part of the manuscript. All great stuff, but I’m realizing some of it might not really belong in the manuscript. Reminded King Arthur of my Boston excursion. Planning that research trip as we speak. BTW, not feeling fatigued. Good sign! Will try to write later.
Worked on the “Why I Still Give a Shit about Katyn” section. The writing felt like an exorcism. Wrote about an unapologetic, narrow-minded cynic who questioned my interest in writing a book about Katyn. Years ago, I wrote a draft detailing this encounter; however, I couldn’t find it. So, I wrote an entirely new piece about this cynic. Wrote 3 paragraphs. A migraine made its appearance. A sign; I’m on the right path. Stopped work, and watched the 4th quarter of the Boston/Cleveland game.
Thursday 15 May 2024
While driving Nick to school, an insight erupted: how to finish the narrowed-minded cynic. In my mind, I repeated the idea so as not to forget. Another tactic I employ to strengthen my confidence and resolve. Arrived home and quickly jotted the idea. Can’t forget it. Plan to write later.
Reflected upon last night’s writing session. Bruce Dickinson’s—lead singer for the metal band, Iron Maiden—solo project music fascinated me lately. While writing those 3 paragraphs last night, I repeated particular songs: “The Alchemist,” “Omega,” “Many Doors to Hell.” His lyrics are thoughtful and deep. Yes, the music entranced me. Another successful tactic proving its worth!
Friday 16 May 2024
Last night I experienced some Long COVID symptoms. I also didn’t exercise yesterday; so, I insisted on exercising first thing this morning. Perhaps a lightened but daily routine is crucial to curb the illness’ aftereffects. Experimentation. Transitioning from the cynical professor to “why I still give a shit about Katyn” is harder than I thought it would be. Frustrated, I went for a walk with Laska.
While walking, fragmentary ideas erupted, but nothing ground breaking. After dinner, worked on the giving a shit section, and slowly things came together. The music again helped. Playing it louder helps more. Then as the timed writing session ended, a shattering insight came to me: 1) use parts of an old draft of conference paper I delivered on Katyn from my West Point days; 2) move the blog draft I was so sure belonged in FADING OUTRO to the to-be revised BOOK 2—the manuscript’s “introduction,” instead.
However, as I typed the above paragraph, doubt is plaguing me. Ugh!
Saturday 17 May 2024
Yes, I moved that blog draft (about Kafkaesque and Orwellian) to BOOK 2. Makes sense to do so; the writing sounds like it belongs in an introduction, which BOOK 2 is. Finished the cynical professor section. Decided to paste an old manuscript draft which initially didn’t end up in last year’s manuscript. I think it works. It further explore cynicism and Katyn. I wrote about the film, ENIGMA. Rewatched it, and revised the old piece. Since I took out the Kafkaesque/Orwellian piece, how to end the FADING OUTRO? Before going to bed, I thought of it—another classroom experience.
Spoke with King Arthur. Told him I can deliver the FADING OUTRO draft by Tuesday, 21 May. We also discussed the planned revision of BOOK 2, the manuscript’s “Introduction.” Weeks ago, I asked him to reread BOOK 2 with the intention of cutting. BOOK 2 always seemed problematic in the sense that it was very long, but somehow worked. We both agreed some parts are interesting in their own way, but don’t serve the purpose of “introducing” Katyn or that the book is a memoir as forcefully and clearly as possible. Developed a plan to achieve that clarity.